“I’ll be fine.”
It’s my reflex. My shield. My exit line.
Whenever someone asks if I need help, that’s what comes out of my mouth—quick, practiced, convincing. Sometimes I even add, “I always am,” just to close the door neatly.
Here’s the truth: I’m not always fine. I’m just very good at appearing that way.
For a long time, “I’ll be fine” meant please don’t look too closely. It meant I don’t want to be a burden. It meant I’ve handled everything on my own before, so why stop now?
Many women my age know this line by heart. Especially those of us who are single, widowed, divorced, or emotionally alone even when surrounded by people. We learned early how to be capable. How to manage. How to endure. Somewhere along the way, independence stopped being empowering and quietly became armor.
And armor is heavy.
The Cost of Always Being Fine
When you say “I’ll be fine” long enough, people stop asking. Not because they don’t care—but because you’ve trained them to believe you’ve got it handled.
Inside, though, you might be tired. Or lonely. Or quietly wishing someone would insist, just once.
I used to believe needing help meant I had failed at something. Failed at strength. Failed at adulthood. Failed at being the woman I was supposed to be.
But that belief kept me isolated. Strong, yes—but sealed off.
What I’m Learning Instead
I’m learning that accepting help is not weakness. It’s honesty.
I’m learning that letting someone see inside me doesn’t make me fragile—it makes me real.
Most importantly, I’m learning that I am worthy of care even when I’m not at my best. Even when I don’t have a plan. Even when I don’t know how I’ll get through the next thing.
Some of this learning came from an unexpected place.
I met someone recently—someone who has known me for nearly ten years. We’ve crossed paths, shared history, known the outlines of each other’s lives. But during all that time, I was armored. Capable. Fine.
Recently, he caught a glimpse of my softer self—the part of me I rarely let out. Instead of turning away, he leaned in. He asked me to soften. To show that part of me more.
And then he said something that stopped me cold.
He said he found it attractive.
Not my competence. Not my resilience. My softness.
It dawned on me that for all those years, he hadn’t seen me as a viable mate—not because I wasn’t worthy, but because I hadn’t allowed myself to be seen. Armor may protect you, but it also hides you.
This didn’t happen overnight. It happened in small, uncomfortable moments—pausing before saying “I’ll be fine,” and instead saying, “Actually, this is hard.” Or, “I could use company.” Or simply, “Thank you.”
Those words felt foreign at first. Vulnerable. Risky.
They still do.
For the Woman Who Feels Alone
If you’re reading this and thinking, She’s talking about me, I want you to hear this clearly:
You don’t have to earn love by being unbreakable.
You don’t have to prove your worth by doing everything alone.
And you don’t have to be fine to be deserving of kindness.
Strength isn’t disappearing into yourself. Strength is allowing connection. Even when it’s awkward. Even when you’re scared of being seen.
A Different Ending
I still say “I’ll be fine” sometimes. Old habits die slowly.
But more often now, I’m learning to say something truer.
“I’m figuring it out.”
“I’m open.”
“I’m worthy of love.”
And here’s the quiet miracle: when you let yourself receive—really receive—you discover you were never meant to do this life alone.
Not at 25.
Not at 50.
Not ever.
You don’t have to be fine.
You just have to be willing.
Yours in faith and fun, and still blessed to be…
Free and Roaming
My friend Camilla and I headed south for adventure last week. We were shocked at how many Scarlet Macaws we saw flying, usually in pairs. Nineteen in all in 2 days! A pair was even flying along side the car.
Coming of Age Through the Freedom of Travel 