One year ago on July 1st my life changed forever. What I believed to be a happy comfortable situation crumbled in an instant. Sam announced he needed “some time” and left in less than 5 minutes. Turns out ex-girlfriend Laura was waiting in the wings. She phoned him after filing for a divorce and the torrid affair began.
Text from my attorney…”I found a pending divorce: 2015ci-08630 with a court hearing on june 30th”
On June 30th while driving home from Mansfield where we attended Oliver’s celebration of life I had a panic attack of monumental proportion. I could not calm myself and felt the unraveling from within. My intuition which I had ignored for years coming to surface. It was the day Laura called Sam.
She offered him things I could not. New passion, new body, new voice, no history and no future. With no regard for me and with Laura’s four children in the house they began their debauchery. I was beside myself and started to build my defense.
But I had none, no way to fight, no money, nothing but myself to improve, so I did. I did what I thought would make him come home. I cleaned the entire house top to bottom, I cleaned out the garage, detailed the car, cleaned the chicken coops, learned how to use the big weed eater and it went on and on for days…weeks. I lost 30 pounds from starving. Food made me sick. Periodically he would come to the house to torment me. He would sit smugly in his chair and tell me he “respected” Laura and did not know if he would ever come home. He said, “maybe we could go on a date”. I held onto this for months. Planning what to wear, how I would look, how I would rekindle his interest in me. This went on for a few months. I was pitiful.
I found an attorney that thought we could win in a divorce case and thought I would end up with a large settlement and perhaps the house. His plan was to wear him down, to make his life miserable and to drag his family through the mud along with Laura. Laura had used Benadryl to drug her children so that they would not wake. That was just a little of the information I gathered. I had a good case. In the end I decided that I was not that person. It was not in me to hurt everybody and frankly I did not have the strength to carry it out mentally or physically. So we settled.
Sam’s business visa bill was $33,000 for the month of May 2015. He offered me $1000 a month for 6 months. He said he thought that generous as he genuinely believed he had no obligation to me what-so-ever and told me so regularly. He told me several times that if I did not modify my behavior in some way, “you will get nothing”. Then he cancelled my visa card. The only thing I was purchasing on his visa was food.
There is so much more. SO MUCH MORE that I will not write here. I know his side of the story and much of it is true. Narcissists never consider their own behavior when blaming others. What killed me inside is that he did not think I was worth fighting for. He did not think that I was worth anything. So while this part of the story is another hundred pages long I will end with this…
Sam recently decided that he was not going to honor his financial responsibility to me even though it is a legal and binding agreement. I have not yet decided what to do about this. Because he browbeat me into accepting a pittance he only owes me $3000. I think it is not worth it to fight.
But this story does not end here. This story is about revelation and miracles and strength and God and God’s Love. It started with a phone call.
Years ago I attended ITMI (International Tour Management Institute). I had a strong feeling I should call them that Thursday afternoon and I followed my intuition. At my weakest lowest point having had a major elective surgery, a cancer scare, and a skin cancer diagnosis I picked up that phone. I left a voice mail and within just a few hours Ted Bravos returned my call and said, “Polly, we would love to have you back.” This was the beginning of God’s new gift.
Ted told me that he had one slot left open for the year and it was the following Monday. I said, “give me a few hours and I will let you know”. This is when the gift began to unwrap. I had just enough Southwest Airlines points for the ticket. Ted offered me half price on the school since I had been a student. Chris’ apartment in San Francisco available the entire time. My surgeon said we could remove the drains in my body just 7 days after surgery and I was medically cleared for travel. All the doors and windows were thrown wide and I packed for what would be the hardest few weeks of my life.
ITMI is not for the weak. It is hard and barely manageable when you are sane and strong. It totally prepares you for life on the road or in my case on a boat. I cried all morning every morning and all night and in the bathroom between sessions. I was weak and skinny and pale and broke but made it out the other side. On one of our working trips a fellow ITMI graduate joined us. Thank God for Kara. She approached me, told me she had heard my story from somebody and she befriended me. She said she had a friend, Valerie, that lived in Houston and had a cool job on a boat that she loved. She said she would put me in touch if I would like. I put on my big girl panties and called Valerie. This was the beginning of my new life. This was the call that would allow me to pay my bills, to live without fear, to feel strong and capable, to begin the healing process.
Next post…Along came Jim
Coming of Age Through the Freedom of Travel 